let me take you on the ride of my life
How to make a Janel

5 parts success
3 parts beauty
5 parts family
5 parts love

Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

What about me?

love prints & handy crafts,
used to live in tokyo for a couple of yrs
however do not speak japanese,

eat only the breast meat,
do not eat abalone,
love black/white vinegar & gyoza,
pick out onions & pickles from my food,

have 'negro' curly hair,
play the electone,
love the rain,
prefer the night to day,

squeeze my toothpaste from its end,
wear my retainers at night,
love romantic comedies.

My nature

driven to increase competence
avoids aggression and violence
well-developed sense of justice
free of jealousy
loves to read

How to love me

♥ Respect my privacy and independence.

♥ Appreciate my competencies and wealth of creative ideas.

♥ Encourage me to spend time alone.

♥ Don't talk too much or force an emotional conversation before I'm ready.

♥ Try not to nag me about being messy or meeting deadlines.

♥ Allow me plenty of space to pursue my interests in depth and time to think things through.


white horse Friday, October 29, 2010 11:16 AM
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

life's a bitch Monday, September 13, 2010 12:30 PM
i've had my convocation and it feels like just yesterday i finished my last exam paper.
life is such a bitch seriously.
i already sense cruelty and bitches from here in my room, after sending out numerous resumes.
if it were the old times, i think i would have had sent a heap of hard copied resumes to the companies' mailbox by now.

how can we be positive, my friend.
in times like this, when all i need is a fkin job that steals my life away and hasten ageing and death day.

that is why we need loud music and crazy friends and fiery drinks to make life a lil' more interesting.

i don't wallow in self pity in my own room for pete's sake.
we need a life.
so why am i now here, not doing the things i want to do?

and so sometimes i like to pick on a fight,
instead of listening to what people would like me to do.
if doing the things that makes other people happy and not yourself,
it gradually feels like you're being taken advantage of, and he/she is sucking the shit outta you.

seriously, people either adore you or hate you.
be it they envy you or jus hate your fkin face.
before i step into the grounds of the corporate world, politics already creeps up.
when bitches or bastards talk.

'What i heard about you is totally right.'
it doesn't hurt if it's a positive statement. but what he meant was nothing of that sort.
and the worst thing was i am so positive the person he heard from was non other than the one who warned me that people talk.
alright, but who fkin cares.
because if the person who said that above statement rather listens to that male bitch who rat about me, so be it.
i don't find any need to explain myself to such people.

i don't do things that betray myself nor my friends.
if you think so, don't come act all nice with me you fkers.

fluffy ! Tuesday, July 20, 2010 12:32 AM
He asked, "Are you alright?"
I answered, "Yes? Why?"
He replied, "Haha, cuz of ur MSN nick. you said u gonna die. what do u mean by so fluffy?"

I didn't know what to reply seriously.

It's so fluffy I'm gonna die! - Agnes

getting older Sunday, July 4, 2010 2:51 PM
yes, fire, it hurts.

lies a plenty,
shrugs a plenty.
tell me how much time has past.
nevermind all that,
it's all the same to me now.
even though the worst thing about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.

STARE Friday, June 18, 2010 3:09 PM
The sun is out today!
What a day it was two days ago!
I didn't exactly witnessed the flood, but i'd rather be paddling in the puddles than being where i actually was.

My aim here is not to be extremely critical on certain beings but they should really learn what professionalism is.

The night before, I was thinking if I should go for this interview at a random recruitment agency. Where it was situated only meant it was a TINY company.
What a waste of time it was. Bah.

See, I was greeted by a nice middle age lady who gladly photocopied my documents.
Then in the meeting room, this young 'ah lian' looking person came in to greet me not so politely. She was wearing this over-sized wind breaker which made her look like she was wearing only that with a lanyard to perhaps make her look like someone who's working. Okay, my bad if I judged but I am open to how crappy you look like and I give every person an opportunity to prove to me he/she is a nice person.

First, I had 'Admin, HR, Marketing' written at the top, which was the areas I was searching for in a job. She asked me, "What level of Admin you wanna do?"
I looked at her blankly.
She went on to say, "Admin got a few levels. Assistant, Executive...".
I said nicely, "As long as it hits my expected salary I don't mind the title."
She continuted, "Admin assistant maybe 1.5k, exec maybe 1.7k"

I had no idea what to reply seriously. I had already stated my stand.
Then she went on to ask about HR. She said directly, "You no experience, cannot be at managerial level" (This I know duh) Well, I did not mention anything about being a manager. What lame shit was I hearing from this lady.

She then stated my expected salary of 2.4k (negotiable) was too high in a crude manner, and I should lower it to say 1.8k. Well, you may know the job market better than I do since you are a HR consultant (i'm sceptical about this still) but you're in this small company. Do you know about the bigger companies?

I told her, "There's a hospital offering me 2.4k, a fresh grad with no experience." to stop her from pushing the blame on me. She 'lan lan' and went on to pin point on my past work experience. She said, "These are not considered experience." And so she assumed that I treated all these past vacation jobs as me being experienced. I'm like DUHHHHH. Hello, I recognise very clearly that I am a FRESH GRADUATE, must I repeat? I told her, "I know I am a fresh grad and I am just looking for a full time career. These are just vacation jobs, but I still have to write them down under past work experience right?"

I'm not trying to promote how fairly a librian does things, but I tried very much to maintain this balance, of not being easily bullied as well as not getting too agitated myself, by such an attitude. I kept my cool.

She provided me 3 job offers. One i declined due to the location at some ulu industrial area, the other i did too because it was offering me 1.5k, and she was trying to promote it. The other I said was fine but she had no details about the salary. Then she tried to compare me with a PSLE graduate she interviewed earlier, saying that if I'm willing to earn lesser and willing to learn, everyone will hire me. I had no idea what she was driving at, but I couldn't be bothered to say anymore. I just assumed that she has this thing against graduates or people who converse in English properly, and that we are people who are very self-centered.

She said fresh grads are the worse and she has gone through the phase (i wonder where she graduated from).

"Last time one of my interviewers said these random jobs all considered job hopping," she said while pointing to the section of past work experience in my application form. She just wants to feel good and pin down a graduate. Well, it was definitely not professional and I guess I didn't want to play the defense game because these people will never quit. I guess I won because she said thank you like for the sake of saying so and I walked out of the meeting room, saying bye and smiling to the lady who photocopied my documents.

I won't expect any good job offers from her and will be glad enough if she doesn't contact me.

It was another fked up day yesterday. I was boiling mad, not so much because my contacts were non exchangeable/refundable, but this OLD, SENILE lady (in reality perhaps fifty odd) made me feel like slapping her.

I went into the optical shop and saw the lady whom I bought two pairs of contacts from on Monday. I stated that I bought the contacts from her and the left side of the contacts is faulty. She gave me the stare like she did not recognise me from 3 days back. I am fine with you not recognizing me but.. do read on..

She told me to have a seat while her younger colleague came back. I waited for about five minutes. Her colleague was patient although she has this straight face. She checked my lenses and said there was this particle and tear. Seriously, you won't know if they tell the truth, but i was already expecting it. The old lady came over to 'kaypoh' and asked, "That day you came I told you about your nails right?". I smiled at her like I acknowledged what she said and didnt say anything else. In reality, I had no idea whom she told, and didnt she not recognise me from just now?

The younger colleague continued to say that they really couldn't replace this piece of lense due to their supplier's orders. Okay, it seemed like I had no choice. I then said, "Then how do you check if the lense is okay if you don't open the seal?" I pry open the other box and asked her to check it.

The old lady went on to repeat, "That day I warn you about your nails", pointing at my hands. I gave her this face and said, "You did not tell me that". She replied, "Isit." You know, sacarstically. Feel like feeding her to the pigs.

I looked unhappily at the younger colleage and showed that I was going to leave. The lady repeated, "Be careful your nails lah, take care."

Firstly, I never have long nails.
Secondly, she didn't recognise me because I was a complaint customer.
Thirdly, she 'recognised' me again to be sacarstic about my nails.

They just lost a customer.

grad Saturday, June 5, 2010 12:31 AM
that 'book' is cast aside.
well, i have been really busy lately.
and i am pronounced a graduate!
with the ceremony in August.

been working part time here and there,
catching up with girlfriends and boyfriends.
time flies.

it's now the time for a transition,
investing a lil' in formal wear and stuff.
mixed feelings i have though.

but at least i have many things scheduled,
and lots to do! keeping myself very occupied with most saturdays to myself.
this is a good life without a partner. i like.


a book Wednesday, May 26, 2010 11:17 PM
it's no wonder people get soaked up in the jobs.
an entire day at home really does make one blue.
unless you're hungover.

this week is going to be money churning.
part time work here and there.
it's not like i don't want to find a full time one,
but they just seem so wishy washy.
i feel like i'm folding aeroplanes out of resumes.
yes, it's the waiting game.

so i'm out taking up funny jobs, as well as
continuing the tutor job for two youngsters which provides me a reasonable amount of money for kicking and staying alive.

i've read of quarter-life crisis, a transition whereby people of my age might face.
in terms of wanting to obtain a higher formal qualification, competing for the best careers, living the best lives and building one's future.

if you've passed this stage, your own boss or living a contented life, do not laugh because it sounds absurb or 'just another phase' to you.

i cannot say that i will not fall under the trap of a crisis,
but i always try my very best to maintain balance and neutrality.
when you are too positive, you fall down harder.
being too negative only affects your daily life.

i used to be very much affected by my surroundings.
but as years pass, you realize you have the ability to choose to forget about things, people, happenings.
it's kind of sad and strange considering they consist of tears and laughter.

no matter what others might say,
it's my own life i reign over.
and yes,
you lead your own life.

so long as everyone's happy.

i'm starting to write, a book perhaps, on events that some people around me might be familiar with. i don't exactly want to forget them all, but it's worth something, and to satisfy secret desires of becoming an author or editor.

the last lap Monday, May 3, 2010 1:06 PM
after tomorrow's paper, it's gonna be all about
movies! shopping! partying! holidays!
omgawd i'm drooling.
and books i wanna read,
music pieces i wanna play,
drama series i wanna watch.

well, that's after the paper, and before a job i find.

ok, right now i need 100% concentration - study.
and yes, procrastination is the teeth of time.
so, ta

a bell curve Saturday, May 1, 2010 11:38 PM
breathe in, breathe out.
last paper on the fourth of may,
and am literally unable to describe my current state of mind and being.

people and more people.
news and more news.
updates and more updates.

it doesn't make sense for me to express how i feel.
and am reminded of those who say i don't show much emotion
and neither do i speak of them.

aloof it may seem,
negligence it may seem too,
but is it not right to tend to neutrality on everything?

whereby you choose not to cross the line of overjoy,
because a fall from that height would hurt more?
now it seems clear that i ain't ambitious.
not a risk-taker.
but i don't fret bout lil' stuffs either.

neither do i go missing in action, be a wet blanket, or literally sob till i wet my blanket because i am particularly depressed over a bastard who 'ruined my life' (just an example).
because it fkin doesn't make any sense to live in misery because of things, people, events or messages around you.
you control your own brain.
and i control mine.

of course i'm not a buoy or someone constantly at equilibrium.
still, variable we all are.


juxtaposition Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:07 PM
When the mind is filled with texts and more texts, and I literally mean texts from the books, it's annoying when one aggravates you.

I have a tendency to comment about people, critique more than compliment in fact.

It's too bad this blog is linked to other blogs, or I would be a total critic.

Just to summarize, I need peace. and when people annoy me with the littlest things I want to much to ask God why such people exist.

Men in all:
Too moody, too annoying, too sticky, too ignorant, too greedy, too boastful,
Okay. The list goes on forever.

The top on the list is a man (or rather a boy) being too 'smart' for his own good.
Weighing the cost and benefits, I rather break the bridge of relation with such a person.

Enough said. Some people just have too much time in their hands to think that I am obliged to talk to him/her.

oh Thursday, April 15, 2010 1:09 PM
angsty, grouchy, pissed.
and here we go again,
about life.

The story Thursday, April 8, 2010 4:29 PM
Broken dreams, broken dreams,
hopin' some day you'll see me.
Sky is gray, sky is gray,
but I'm dancin in the rain.
Live to sway, live to sway,
will you remember my name?
Live a lie, live a lie,
why don't you ask yourself why?

Don't you open your eyes?

Only the moon, only the moon, only the moon,
will hear my plea.
Only the creatures of the night,
will harmonize with me.
Missed you so, missed you so,
and I wondered if you know;
The wind has blown me in this corner
and it's hard to let go.

That's the story, that's the story
of you and me

That's the story, that's the story
of you and me

ten years down Monday, April 5, 2010 2:07 PM
They say follow your heart, but when your heart is in so many pieces. Which way are you to follow?

Bright and sunny day.
Not too warm, just nice with a lil wind.
Good day for alfresco,
good day for people watchin.
A cuppa coffee, newspapers and a muffin.
Great way to start the day.

Beginning to feel positivity,
accepting upcoming changes and ready for adaptation.
well, not puberty, but a transition from school to the real world.
imma be putting in the effort for my last few assessments,
goin with the flow and where the arrow directs me to.

Not a time to be thinkin of being tied down to a partner.
perhaps currently there's more to life than obligations you can choose to have or not have.
yes, selfishly not prepared to share my life with anyone at the moment.

but still am not entirely selfish as i'm certain i want to be living a traditional life,
being somebody's perfect wife and an awesome mother of two smart children.

wanting to grow old with the one i love,
having adorable grandchildren,
what's more to desire in life?
than family and love?


long awaited... Monday, March 29, 2010 9:30 PM
i am a happy girl.
i have purchased my blackberry bold two.
f i n a l l y

a few of us went to zouk last saturday,
happy birthday my friend.
one thing i learnt that day,
was that if you wanna make sure you arrive at your destination in one piece with peace,
do take a mercedes cab.
professional service.

not pinpointing any taxi companies,
but sometimes if you wanna go somewhere like jiak kim street.
some still just don't get it for atupid reasons

1. trying to cheat your money
2. their bloody gps don't work
3. they don't follow the gps instructions (machine says 'turn right at the next junction.' driver stubbornly goes straight)
4. they stop at traffic lights and get a ticket from a police car just behind

nice huh.

virtual debate Thursday, March 25, 2010 2:44 PM
sometimes everything's so boring.
we have so much time to be on our assignments,
yet we choose to login to msn and fb.
then we happen to see what's on people's minds.
leads to nonetheless - politics, even in fb,
people bitching directly or indirectly.
how people take things so seriously.
a remark, a comment, a question mark.
the world communicates no more on physical contact and emotions.
probably only emoticons that superficially represents our feelings like this =/
we hide our emotions but try to seek the other party's attention directly/indirectly using puns and such.
i'm going to leave this game of throwing bombs at others in this virtual world.